The Monumental Catastrophe
by Ayu Ohseki
Summary: Originally written for Tuxecret Santa 2014. There's a Pokémon cosplay contest going on with a grand prize of a photoshoot and lots of money, and Minako's determined to win it - but Usagi's the only one who can help, neither of them can sew, and the contest is tomorrow. How can they assure their win?


"USAGI-CHAN!"

Usagi shrieked, jumped despite being sprawled on her bed, and nearly dropped her 3DS in shock as Minako burst into her bedroom, Artemis clinging for dear life onto her shoulder. It was still a near thing, the device dancing back and forth between her hands before luck smiled on the clumsy girl and she managed to grab it in both hands. Usagi, after breathing out a sigh of relief, shot her friend an annoyed look. Nearby, Luna lifted her head from the newspaper she'd been reading on the floor to stare at Minako and Artemis.

If Minako was at all bothered by her irritation, she didn't show it. On the contrary, she was already leaning on her bed, thrusting out a poster in her face. Usagi rolled over, sat up, and stared at it.

"Pokémon cosplay contest?" she read aloud. Her eyes sparkled with interest as she saw the next part: "Oooh, with a photoshoot and thirty thousand yen grand prize?!"

"That's right!" Minako declared triumphantly. "It's tomorrow, so there's no time to lose. You and I are gonna enter this contest as a pair and win that grand prize!"

"But Minako-chan, why me?" Usagi wondered, blinking up at her friend. "Mako-chan's the one who knows how to sew."

"Mako-chan... might be busy with spring cleaning and rearranging her apartment," Minako mumbled, glancing away. "And Ami-chan might be on a study retreat that day, and Rei-chan might've thought it was dumb _but that's not the point_! The _point_ , Usagi-chan, is that we have something no one else has, something that _guarantees_ we're gonna win!"

"Really?" Luna wondered, leaping nimbly up onto the bed. "What's that - er..."

Too late, she caught Artemis waving his paws wildly from his partner's shoulder. Luna trailed off, but the damage was already done: Minako beamed at her with an ear-to-ear grin, just before picking her up and presenting her and Artemis to Usagi.

"Real live Pokémon!" she cheered.

"What," Luna uttered.

"I tried to talk her out of it," Artemis groaned. "I swear, I tried."

"Ohmygod," Usagi gasped, eyes sparkling again. "Minako-chan, that's _brilliant_!"

"Isn't it?" Minako declared. "Artemis is gonna be a Meowth, and Luna's gonna be a Purrloin!"

"Hey, wait," Luna protested, craning her neck back. "I didn't agree to this!"

"Aw, c'mon, it'll be fun!" Usagi said, scooping up her mentor. "You'll be adorable and everyone'll love you!"

"It still isn't a good idea," Luna insisted. "Don't you girls think that you're too old for this?"

"What?! You're never too old for Pokémon!" Usagi declared. "Children and adults alike love them! And anyway, it'll blow Chibiusa's mind when I win this contest. That'll teach her to get Mamo-chan to take her and her friends out on a field trip without me!"

"Exactly, exactly!" Minako enthused. "The world's finally at peace, and it's our last spring break before we become high schoolers. We _deserve_ this. So anyway, I'm thinking that we can go as the main character and her best friend from X and Y. I'll of course be the main character!"

"Hey, I'm not done talking," Luna said.

"No, I wanna be!" Usagi protested. She dropped Luna to clasp her hands in front of her. "I'm not sure why, but I feel like I have a spiritual connection with the heroine from Pokémon X and Y!"

"But her best friend has the twintails," Minako pointed out. "Don't you think you'd fit that image way better?"

"Girls, you can't just decide for us -" Artemis tried to say.

"What's the point of cosplay if you can't look different every now and then?" Usagi countered, ignoring him.

Minako sighed. "Good point. Okay, in that case, I'm gonna be the hot neighbor."

Usagi blinked. "The hot..."

"Oh, c'mon! I'm talking about the cute boy rival slash other main character!"

"They're not listening to us at all, are they," Luna lamented.

"I-it'll be all right," Artemis reassured her. "They can't actually _make_ us help out..."

Usagi and Minako rounded on him, eyes narrowed, eyebrows raised. Things might have gone poorly if a high-pitched voice hadn't sounded by the door.

"Usagi-sama? Minako-sama? Is something the matter?"

Artemis paled under his fur. "Diana, no! Save yourself!" he cried.

But it was too late. Minako zeroed in on the tiny gray kitten blinking curiously at the four of them, then flashed him a toothy grin.

"Oh, Diana," she sing-sang, sweeping over to the door and scooping up the kitten. "There's something important that Usagi-chan and me need your help with! It's very important, so I know we can count on you, right?"

"Of course!" Diana squeaked, sealing her parents's fates. "How may I help you, Minako-sama?"

"I need you to say 'Glameow' for me. Can you say 'Glameow'?"

"Glameow," Diana repeated obediently.

"Ehhh? You want her to be a Glameow?" Usagi said, getting to her feet and leaning over. "Isn't Glameow kind of too snobby for her?"

"But Glameow's a gray cat, just like Diana," Minako said. "Unless..."

"Glameow!" Diana repeated, lighting up the room with her adorable kitten smile.

Usagi and Minako stared.

"Skitty?" Usagi suggested.

"Skitty," Minako agreed.

"Skitty," they confirmed in unison.

"It's decided! You're going to say 'Skitty' instead!" Minako declared. "Oooh, you'll be the cutest Skitty ever. We've got the grand prize in the bag now!"

"Skittyyy!" Diana cheered.

"Look, you can say what you want," Artemis spoke up, ears flattened against his skull. "But you still need to actually make the costumes or you can't enter the contest."

"Not to mention, how are you going to get everything done by tomorrow?" Luna added.

Minako grinned at them and held up her disguise pen. Usagi's eyes lit up.

"I haven't used that thing in _ages_!" she squealed. "Let's do it, Minako-chan!"

"HOLD IT!" Luna barked, thrusting a paw at them. "You're really going to use magic to win a contest?! Don't you think that's unfair to the other contestants?"

"Aw, c'mon, Luna," Usagi complained, shooting her a sour look. "It's just one little bitty contest! What's it hurt?"

"Skitty?"

"Absolutely not! And anyway, you two shouldn't be using the disguise pen for frivolous reasons!"

"But it's _not_ frivolous, it's a _photoshoot_ and _thirty thousand yen_ ," Minako insisted.

"Skitty!"

"Then let's do this," Artemis said. "If you two use the disguise pen, we won't be your 'Pokémon' for you."

"What? No!"

" _But_ ," he continued, "if you two make the costumes yourselves, then we'll go."

"Artemis," Luna hissed.

"Ehhh? But how're we supposed to make good costumes by tomorrow?" Usagi complained.

"That's right! It's completely unreasonable!" Minako agreed.

"The alternative is cheating, and undermining the hard work of the other contestants," Artemis replied.

"Skitty skitty," Diana intoned.

Usagi and Minako shared another glance, this time with enthusiasm significantly flagged.

"That _would_ be bad, huh," Usagi sighed, cupping her cheek with one hand.

"I _guess_ ," Minako said, mirroring her friend.

"If only someone could make the costumes for us," Usagi continued, switching to the other hand.

"I _know_ ," Minako agreed, again mirroring her.

As one, the two of them slowly stared at the cats.

"Skitty?"

"No! Absolutely not!" Luna insisted, crossing her paws in front of her. "That's impossible and you know it!"

"I guess that's true," Minako sighed.

"So true," Usagi echoed. "So what do we do, Minako-chan?"

"Hmmm..." She beamed at the room. "How about we go as ourselves and just focus on making our Pokémon the best possible Pokémon? That oughtta be plenty!"

"You gotta be joking," Luna and Artemis groaned in unison.

Diana tilted her head. "Skitty?"

* * *

The next day, Minako fumed as the winner of the contest went up to the stage to receive her prize. In her lap, Artemis, who was deeply unhappy about the oblong faux-gold coin taped to his forehead, watched the proceedings with his ears down. Next to Minako sat Usagi, who was similarly incensed as Luna grimaced at the white markings that had been dyed onto her dark fur, and Diana batted at her oversized tail in fascination and complete ignorance of the goings-on around her.

"What do they _mean_ , it's not good enough to just cosplay your pets?!" Minako groused to her friend. "Disqualified! It's so unfair! Do they have any idea how long it took us to dye Luna and Diana's fur?!"

"Yeah! Luna's an _amazing_ Purrloin! And Diana's a perfect Skitty!" Usagi fumed back. "Cosplaying animals should _totally_ count!"

"The world's against us, Usagi-chan," Minako groaned, leaning her head towards her friend as crocodile tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

"It's so cruel, Minako-chan!" Usagi lamented, leaning her head against Minako's with a similar threat of waterworks.

"Can we go home now?" Luna complained, covering her head with both paws.

"Maoowww," Artemis lamented, unable to speak with his crescent covered.

"Skitty!" Diana uttered, beaming up at everyone.

Minako sighed. "Yeah. Let's go home." She got up, scooping Artemis into her arms and easing off the Meowth coin to let his crescent show. "Sorry to drag you all into this. You want us to treat you to some fancy tuna on the way home? I brought tiny fo-oorks!"

Artemis shook off his mental haze, then perked up. "Well, as long as it's all over with."

"Ooh, and let's get ice cream for us!" Usagi cheered, following her with a cat in each arm.

"Sure, sure." Minako sighed dramatically. "It's the only thing that will mend my fragile maiden heart now."

Luna side-eyed her. "Fragile maiden, my tail..."

Minako pointedly ignored her and swept out of the judging hall. "Ice cream and fancy tuna! Let's gooo!"

"Let's goooo!" Usagi cheered.

"Skittyyyy!" Diana echoed.

"At least one of us cats is happy," Artemis murmured to Luna.

Luna just groaned.


End file.
